Nobody told me about this or at least

not as I expected, usually things like this only make about 1 page, not even a full page on any maternity magazine. Well there's a lot of maternity magazine, like for parenting, mom and their babies, and so on, but no magazine ever expose about this problem, at least not so much.

I'm talking about Higroma colli and Hydrop fetalis, a condition where the fetus is having such abnormality that my gynae said the chance of survival only 2% (or less), while the other feto maternal specialist said the baby either die while still in the womb or during birth or the life won't last long. Nothing could have prepared me to hear those words.

Couple days ago I'm back to Singapore and back to my gynae, as she have predicted the worst have happen. My baby died about 2 weeks ago. I thought I was prepared for anything, but still tears broke down realizing that all hopes are now faded for me having this baby. On Thursday, I'm scheduled to have the baby removed. I don't know what will happen next. My emotions have been up and down, the sadness, the anger, all the why's and how come keep coming to my head, leaving me more devastated and exhausted.

I just hope I can get through all these and make it alright, and someday can look back with a smile.